ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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