No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize