We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she told me i tasted like america
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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