I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
