i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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