I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
