I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
