Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
