right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
