on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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