There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
