You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
