Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
