I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
