Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
