Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
