How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
