I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
