grandma shit on top of the toilet
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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