So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
