haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
