i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
