dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
