Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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