i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
