She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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