shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
