Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize