I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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