I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
