i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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