We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
