I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
