Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
