she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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