i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
