At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
