Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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