Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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