Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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