Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize