Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
