just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
