i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
