is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
her vagine was all disorganized.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
