I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
