So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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