I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
