so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
