Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize