she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
