My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
