White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
