It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
either way he was missing a nipple.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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