Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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