He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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