How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
