He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
