no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
