My room smells like vodka and shame
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
