Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
