when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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