The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize