how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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