Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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