I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
