Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
