I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
