Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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