So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
where are my eyebrows?
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