she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
