I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
