that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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