is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Im part way to drunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
