I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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