I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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