guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
